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DuPage County high-conflict divorce attorneyGetting a divorce is rarely easy, but for some couples, the divorce process can be especially troublesome. It is normal for a divorcing couple to have disagreements, but when it seems as if the conflict will never cease, you can begin to feel worn down and burnt out. This can end up affecting not only your divorce case, but your physical and mental health, too. In many cases, a high-conflict divorce is the product of a high-conflict spouse. Often, it is possible to predict whether or not your spouse is likely to be combative or difficult to work with during your divorce process, allowing you to prepare yourself emotionally, mentally, and practically. 

Managing the Divorce Process With a Difficult Spouse

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce, here are a few ways to help you survive:

  • Limit the contact you have with your spouse. The easiest way to limit the stress of a high-conflict divorce is to limit the amount of communication you have with your spouse. A high-conflict spouse may thrive off of the arguments and the rise they can get out of you, so limiting the amount of time you spend talking with one another limits the amount of time they have to escalate the situation. Try to cease face-to-face communication and keep emails, text messages and phone calls short and simple.

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Wheaton divorce lawyerAccording to statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth, around 22% of all marriages end within the first five years, and an estimated 53% of marriages dissolve by the 20-year mark. With these statistics in mind, it is not surprising that divorce is common for Americans. Getting a divorce has been said to be one of the most stressful life events, second only to the death of a loved one. One of the ways you can help alleviate some of this stress is by effectively preparing for the end of your marriage. Here are a few tips to help you get your affairs in order before you begin your divorce:

Get a Clear Picture of Your Finances

First, you should have full knowledge of your financial situation. It is not uncommon for one spouse to be more in tune with the family's finances than the other. However, it is important to be in the loop when it comes to your income, assets, expenses, and other financial matters, since everything will be divided in the end. Make a list of all of your marital assets and debts so you can figure out what you actually own and owe. Next, make a preliminary budget for what you need to live off of after the divorce is said and done. This will help you figure out what you should fight for during the asset division process and whether you might be eligible to receive spousal maintenance.

Talk With Your Children

If you have children, you are probably worried about how your divorce will affect them. Many parents are hesitant about getting a divorce, because they do not want to hurt their children. However, ending a marriage that is full of conflict and arguments can often be the best thing for your kids. Studies have shown that children who have divorced parents often have fewer emotional issues than those whose parents stayed together but were unhappy with each other. If you have children, the first step to a healthy transition period is to talk to them about the divorce and explain to them what is happening. You might be surprised at how much they understand, and they may even have a positive opinion about the upcoming changes to their lives.

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Naperville divorce attorneyFor some, divorce can feel like a fresh start after being in an unhappy marriage; however, divorce can also bring out the worst in people. Many partners think they know their spouse, but there are times that a divorce can change a person completely, prompting them to act in ways that their spouse never imagined. Some divorcing couples become extremely argumentative and combative, making the divorce more difficult and emotionally stressful for everyone in the family. Whether you anticipated your spouse’s difficult behavior or were surprised by their attitude, here are a few tips to help you get through a divorce with a high-conflict spouse:

Minimize Contact With Your Spouse

One of the most important things you can do to deal with a high-conflict spouse is to limit your contact with them. Avoid speaking to them unless it is necessary for your divorce or for parenting reasons. When you do contact them, try to do so in written form, such as texting or emailing, to make it easy to record the conversation in case it may be necessary to provide evidence of your interactions. 

Remember to Pause and Breathe

High-conflict spouses will often do anything they can to get underneath your skin. They will try to push all of your buttons to get a reaction out of you, because for them, conflict is enjoyable and can be used to their advantage in the divorce proceedings. Do your best not to give them the reaction they are looking for. Take a deep breath, formulate a response, and then talk to them in a calm and collective manner. 

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DuPage County divorce attorneyDivorce is considered to be one of the most stressful life events you can experience, and almost 50% of married couples go through it. One of the factors that contributes to the stress of a divorce is the financial aspect. It has been estimated that divorces can cost anywhere from a couple of thousand dollars to almost $100,000, depending on the couple’s situation. While getting a divorce is never free, there are certain things that you can do to help keep your divorce costs reasonable.

Come Prepared to Meetings With Your Attorney

While your attorney will play a crucial role in your divorce case, you want to make the best use of their time and avoid paying for unnecessary attorney's fees. In order to cut back on the amount of time spent in legal meetings, come to your appointments organized. If you know that you will be meeting to discuss property division, make sure you come prepared with a list of your marital assets and debts and any other relevant financial documents that may be useful to your attorney.

Be Prepared to Negotiate

Nobody ever gets everything that they want in a divorce. It is important for you to have a realistic idea of what is and is not possible when it comes to a divorce settlement. The most expensive divorces are those that go to trial because the spouses cannot reach a settlement outside of court. It is important to know when to compromise to save you time and money.

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Naperville divorce attorneyDivorce is full of difficult situations. Even making the decision to get a divorce can seem impossible. Perhaps one of the hardest situations that you will have to deal with during your divorce is breaking the news to your children. Depending on your circumstances, your children may already suspect that something is awry. If there has been constant fighting in the house, your children are likely aware of the fact that you and your spouse are unhappy. There is no way to predict how your children will react to the news of a divorce; each child processes and copes with the news differently. Though this can be a difficult time for everyone, here are a few tips to help you tell your children that you and your spouse are getting divorced:

Act as a Team

This may be difficult for some couples, but telling the children about your decision as a team can make a world of difference. Even if the decision to divorce was not mutual, it is important that the children see that you and your spouse can still work together. After all, you will always have a common connection -- your children. 

Plan What You Will Say

This is one conversation that you do not want to make up as you go along. You and your spouse should sit down and plan out some talking points that you want to get across when you tell the kids that you are getting divorced. You both should be sure that your child understands that the divorce is not their fault, but rather a matter between you and your spouse. You should also remind your kids that you both love them very much, regardless of your marital state.

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Naperville spousal support lawyerThough modern households often have two working parents, it is still not uncommon for one parent to stay home and take care of the children. Stay-at-home parents face a unique set of worries with it comes to divorce. If you are a stay-at-home parent, your spouse may have provided you with a sense of stability, but as that disappears, you are likely facing a great deal of uncertainty. Now, you may find yourself worrying about things you never thought you would have to worry about, like where you and your children will live and how you will be able to provide for your children.

Fortunately, there are ways you can address these issues when going through your divorce. Specific issues that other divorcing parents may not have to deal with, such as spousal maintenance, suddenly become extremely important to your divorce case. Even issues that most divorcing couples have to deal with, such as property division and child support, can be different when one spouse was a stay-at-home parent. Here are a few tips that may help stay-at-home parents better navigate divorce:

1. Gather All of Your Important Documents

Before you begin with the divorce, you need to make sure you have an accurate picture of your financial situation. For some stay-at-home parents, finances are dealt with by their spouse, and they might not even have direct access to the family’s financial information. Understanding your financial picture will ensure that you get everything you need and deserve out of your divorce. You will need to gather specific types of documents and provide copies to your attorney. You will want to make sure that you have located:

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Posted on in Divorce

Wheaton divorce lawyerAny public activity is potential evidence in court proceedings, including your social media activity. Anything you choose to share or post can become a legally admitted court document in any court case, including your divorce. Although your short rant about your soon-to-be ex-spouse was temporarily stress-relieving -- not to mention the complete validation you felt when your friends and family members supported you through likes, loves, and comments -- you are less likely to experience the same satisfaction when it comes back to haunt you in the courtroom.

Try These Tips at Home

It is ill-advised to avoid social media entirely. Not only is social media an excellent way to grow and maintain the ever-important support system, but it is also a free source of unlimited information. Be on the lookout for posts regarding you or your ex’s behavior, and enlist a trusted friend or family member to help. Immediately address anything that could be potentially damaging to your case. Simultaneously, anything that could help should be brought to the attention of your attorney immediately. Here are some ways you should use social media to your advantage:

  • Watch what your friends and family say about you;
  • Make yourself look good by boosting your personality and good deeds;
  • Grow your emotional support team;
  • Post with caution; and
  • Gather information in your favor.

Avoid These Damaging Behaviors

First and foremost, whatever you do decide to post, leave it be. If you are caught deleting photos -- even if you later decide you did not like the way you look --  it can be depicted as removing evidence, an offense which can result in hefty fines for both you and your attorney. Not only that, but judges often assume that you are actively hiding negative details about yourself. Their assumption is legal and is known as adverse inference. Therefore, if there are pictures and messages, leave them there, but be extremely cautious about what you post. It is best to avoid these shares:

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Napervile divorce coach If you are struggling with thoughts of divorce, the divorce process, or recovering from a recent divorce, an experienced divorce coach can provide the support that you need. Separation brings with it an entire life change, not just for you, but also for your children and close family members. It is an adjustment for everyone involved. A divorce coach can help you to understand and work through a wide range of emotions and also provide support for your situation.

What a Divorce Coach is Not

Before we begin discussing what a divorce coach is, let us explain what it is not. A divorce coach is not a doctor, nor is coaching clinical in any way, as is therapy or counseling. Rather than delving into your past to uncover the underlying causes of your problem, or assuming the existence of a mental health concern, a divorce coach assists you with the divorce process, guiding you to attain your goals, work through decisions, and progress through transitions. A divorce coach will not provide a diagnosis of any kind; and although they can work in conjunction with an attorney, they are not a substitute for your attorney.

How a Divorce Coach Can Help

A divorce coach serves in a mentorship capacity throughout the divorce process, assisting clients in taming the emotional roller coaster. As humans, when we are overly sensitive, rational thought may not always be at the forefront, and our decision-making and communication skills suffer. With our emotions in check, the overall divorce process progresses smoother. Your coach can also help you understand what is coming next, assist you in evaluating your priorities, and advise on a compelling strategy so you can go into the meeting with the attorney cool, confident, and collected. You coach will work directly with your legal team to help guide you through the challenging process, and provide you with feedback along the way. Benefits of using a coach include:

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Naperville divorce coachIn divorce, sometimes the grief of the loss of a marriage is so overwhelming that clarity and rational thought are difficult to maintain. This period is frequently referred to as an “emotional roller coaster” because emotions run the gamut from sadness to anger and even moments of joy. Brains are unable to act rationally and irrationally simultaneously; therefore, when emotions run high, logic becomes potentially non-existent. Clients coping with a particularly stressful divorce often find relief after consulting with a divorce coach

What is a Divorce Coach?

A divorce coach is a mental health professional trained to assist you and your spouse find effective ways of communicating to nurture healthy discussions regarding children, finances, and other aspects of divorce. A divorce coach is not a therapist, but rather someone that asks questions that help overcome divorce roadblocks.

Although the term “divorce coach” is relatively new, divorcees around the country are singing the praises of the benefits that come with a divorce coach. These are consistently cited as the top three benefits of incorporating one into your divorce process:

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